Why are video game movies so surreal? There's no reason you shouldn't look at something like Mario and go "I can't wait to see a plumber based action movie". There's zero reason you can't look at a first person shooter and go "we're going to need a German tax loophole to make this." Here are six of the oddest adaptations of a proud genre that will never be represented well in a movie for some bizarre reason.
1. Super Mario Bros the Movie
It'd be tough to call this film bad per se. Well, I guess not that tough. But it'd be great if it just didn't want to be a Mario movie. The film takes a grotesque point of view on the normally adorable Super Mario Bros' antics as they make their way through fungus adorned sewers and amazingly they're not brothers. I dunno. This is before people were legally allowed to be brothers in movies, I guess.
2. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
The movie that introduced a nation of film fans to the term uncanny valley long before they were ready for it. The movie is disquieting in its quest for realism and today looks so much like a current video game cut scene in and of itself (in 2001 it was ahead of at least that genre) that when the Columbia logo comes in, it's indeed disquieting.
Postal is adapted from a first person shooter from the early aughts by Uwe Boll, and if the trailer above is confusing enough, know that the director's reputation is so bad he only makes films due to an obscure German tax loophole... aka, the fans.
4. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
Beyonce was in The Pink Panther remake, Bill Murray voiced Garfield twice, and Angelina Jolie played Lara Croft. We should all be spending our time better.
5. Street Fighter
As a big old nerd watching your favorite video games be adapted into film, you're faced with the choice-- do you want good story, good acting and to leave the theater smiling, or do you want to see someone dressed as Zangief so you can go home and pretend Zangief is real. This movie certainly provided one of those.
And so a cry rung throughout the land-- "Josh Gad has sex with Q*Bert in Pixels. Q*Bert turns into a sexy woman and Josh Gad has sex with her and then has Q*Bert babies. This is acceptable now." Go to the 3:15 to watch Josh Gad kiss sexy lady Q*Bert.